I could blame my selfishness or the way I watched women be degraded mentally and physically by men or the way my girl in the seventh grade was rapped and birthed a baby boy who'll grow up with no father or the woman who lives a lonely life because she received aids from her down low gay ex husband....or that I haven't met any one who truly knows my worth. The average African American woman in America has lost her virginity at the age of sixteen. Clearly, I have beat this statistic by far...Not intentionally though.
Love is cool and all.....I've just never been given it. Think about every couple you know. As I kicked it with my older homies they brought a valid point up; how many truly happy couple do you know? One in a million. I know ONE truly happy married couple....I'm not talking money and riches I'm talking about true love. It's not found for fun or on accident.... I am not saying I'm ready for something very uncommon to happen or rain down on me but I believe in my odds. I'd rather die with faith rather then love with doubts/regrets. I have faith that the good will be attracted to me before or after marriege, it'll be out of faith to believe and courage to wait.
The genuine and authentic love I give was never given back to me. I am a young woman so I have much time to feel the real thing, but speaking from experiencing I know I haven't yet. I probably thought I did when I was in my young kiddy relationships..it was all child's play. When you're young you're easily intimidated at the thoughts of love and sex...I'm no saint I used to have many times when I wanted to have sex, when I had a boyfriend many years ago, but before I did there was always the truth in the back of my head knowing I wasn't ready. At eighteen, I see I was not missing out on much. I probably missed a few good in the moment feelings but I also missed a heart break and boys who I would've invintually would've grown away from. I see this all in hindsight. I didn't miss out on much by not having sex in grade school.
I'm not in a rush to be entitled to any one. I know how my love works, Actually I don't know how love works but I know how lust looks. When I love someone I am ready to go to war for them and due for them. Until I feel that I never want to feel entitled to you sexually if I am not spiritually. I never let anyone rush me with anything— I love my motion.
Sex comes with entitlement. Anyone you have sex with.... You'll have a picture of their body in your head and the music their bodies make. You have entered their temple and they've given you visual and action. Sex is spiritual and a delight according to New York Blogger. It's a bliss of joy and a physical connection to women. Why would I ever give you my joy and physical energy if I don't vibe with you mentally?
*Dont get my wrong it may be beautiful to you but I can't speak from experience. LOL
I am a beautiful, light tan, smart woman... People expect off hand looking at me "She is not a virgin" just because the way my body is fully formed. People may think MANY things about you but know who you are. Now that I'm older I see that no one really cares. In high school people actually care about "body counts"....but in the real world none cares. It's your business! Have sex with a million men, that is your body!
Virgin or not respect your temple. Stay true & confident in your sexual discipline. Ultimately that's the only thing NO ONE can take away from you. Live it your way.
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